Humor | BBQ ONLINE EXPERT

Originally Posted on Feb. 9, 2013; Updated 2/6/17

#GreenBeans #GrilledVegetables #Bacon #Recipe — Fresh Green Beans with Grilled Veggies and Smoked Bacon. An awesome treat for your favorite Valentine.

Well, it is not an interplanetary mission this time. However, our SuperHero managed to save a very special couple from the clutches of his evil nemeses, BoreN’GFood. The ever-popular Romey is known worldwide as a famous Singer/Entertainer. Young female fans can’t seem to get enough of his abs and puffy undergarments. And, of course the hair. But Romey has a deep secret that he has been hiding from the world, lest it ruin his wildly successful career.

It seems, Romey’s in Love, much like his favorite cousin Chucky. …Not with Chucky. Romey has fallen hard for a young maiden named Julliette.

Valentine’s Day is coming. Our fair lady Juliette is bored with late night, clandestine forays to trendy diners. Juliette’s family is dead-set against her relationship, because famous lads like Romey aren’t known for treating damsels with much respect. They think she should start a career of her own.

TasteeBQ to the Rescue! Using a special Global Satellite Posting Device, a forlorn Romey was surprised to receive such a rapid response from our Hero. [The wonders of what they call “Email”.] Together, they developed a scheme that would not only please Juliette, but would prove to the world (i.e. her family and his fans?) the great Legendary potential of Romey and Julliette’s relationship.

#Smoked #Oysters #Toast #BBQRub #DryRub #HEROIC — Smokey Oysters perfect with a little Butter and flavorful BBQ or Spice Rub, plus Hearty Toast.

A menu was created of 5 SIZZLING HOT ROMANTIC DISHES for Valentine’s Day.

MENU:
-Smoked Mussels with Bacon and Spinach
-Spicy Smoked BBQ Oysters
-Green Beans with Grilled Veggies in Bacon Dressing
-Grilled Ribeye Steak
-Garlic Heart Toast

Our SuperHero proclaimed:

Grilling is an excellent choice. Couples have cooked over the open flame since the times of our ancestors. For some women, it was a hair-raising experience. In fact, Grilling is one of the first forms of Cooking. Prior to that, Cavemen specialized in preparing Sashimi and Tar Tar. Making such a Grilled Feast for your Beloved is surely more Romantic than signing a check at some overcrowded eatery.

Fortunately, Romey owned a shiny new Charcoal Grill with the best accesories: BBQ Tongs, Spatula, Charcoal, Lighting Fluid, Oven Mitts and Wood Chips. Not to mention Romey’s state-of-the-art Gaggenau Kitchen. [OK we did].

It had been decided that TasteeBQ should use his Powers of Disappearance before the arrival of Juliette. Otherwise it could be Awkward(!?). Plus, why shouldn’t Romey take credit for these dishes that would melt anyone’s heart? [Assuming they have one.] He and Juliette would have a romantic night alone. An unforgettable night, like a Love Song.

With mere hours to spare, our Hero flew to the store and returned with all of the necessary ingredients (which are Capitalized for your Shopping/ Pantry Checklist). In less than an hour, they were able to complete all preparations.

First he had Romey clean 8 Oysters and 1lb. Mussels and place them in one layer on a double plied Aluminum Foil basket. Then cut (1 each) Yellow and Red Bell Peppers, in half. Next he peeled 1 Large Carrot, and cut it lengthwise into 3 thick strips.

#Grill #Ribeye #Steak #BBQ — For Romantic Nights, be sure to eat lighter by serving lots of Veggies and smaller portions of Meat.

After rinsing and drying 2 (8-10oz.) Ribeye Steaks, he made a Marinate consisting of 1 cup Creamy Italian Dressing, 1 tbs. each Garlic, Thyme and 1 tsp. BBQ Seasoning (or Rub). He then Marinated the Veggies and Steak in separate Foil baskets. He was also sure to sprinkle Salt, Pepper and BBQ Rub on both sides of the Steaks.

Who knew cooking was so easy? Romey then rinsed and cut the tips of 1lb Fresh Green Beans, placing the Beans in a Microwave-safe Bowl with 4oz. Water, and covering it with Plastic Wrap. Onto the Garlic Heart Toast. He mixed 1/2 cup Softened Butter with 1tbs each Garlic, Thyme and added a dash of BBQ Rub for fun. Using a Heart Shaped Cookie Cutter, he created 6 Hearts using Thick Sliced Sourdough Bread, spreading the mixture on both sides. Lastly, he coursely Chopped 1/2 cup Fresh Spinach and folded it into Butter Mixture.

Cook large portions of Vegetables on Grill. Chop afterwards, once cooled.

Romey proceeded to fire up the Grill with just enough Coals to heat one half. Then he immersed Wood Chips in Water, using a Small Bowl. Once the Grill was ready, he spread 1/4 cup Wood Chips over the Coals. As a final preparation they placed 6 Thick Bacon Strips (Turkey ok) on the Grill, on the end farthest from the flame. They Grilled the Bell Peppers and Carrots for 4 minutes on each side. Letting them cool, the Veggies were cut into short Julienned Strips.

Juliette arrived to Romey’s crib, expecting to be “surprised” with another typical restaurant reservation. She was pleasantly astonished by the aroma of smoked food, emanating from her Boyfriend’s patio. By now, our hero TasteeBQ was “in the wind”, as they say. There was no sign of BoreN’GFood to be found.

Romey greeted Juliette with a hug, Roses and a box of Chocolates. He started to woo her by saying “You’re Beautiful.” But Juliette interrupted with “Baby, Baby when are we gonna eat?”

Grilled Ribeye Steak

In a Flash(!), Romey replenished the Wood Chips (for smoke) and placed the foil basket of Oysters and Mussels in the middle of the Grill (near but not directly over fire) for 8 minutes. Then he put a pinch of the Spinach/Butter Mixture on each Mussel. While crisping Bacon over the heat, he quickly seared the Garlic Heart Toast (1-2 minutes, per side). Crumbling the crispy Smoked Bacon over the Mussels, Romey was able to serve a delighted Juliette in a short 12 minutes. Fresh Lemon Wedges and green Parsley garnish made the Plate.

As she ravished the Mussels, Romey returned to the Grill to fetch the Oysters, which easily popped open with the use of a Paring Knife and Oven Mitt. He sprinkled some Spicy BBQ Rub (w/Cayenne or Red Pepper) over the Oysters and added Lemon Wedges. Soon Juliette was swooning “What’s Next?.”

Not wanting to waste time steaming a pot of Beans on the Gaggenau stovetop, Romey popped the prepared Bowl of Green Beans into the Microwave on High for 5 minutes. In the meantime, he Grilled the Ribeye Steaks on the open flame, 4-5 minutes per side, closing the Grill to let them cook through for the final 2 minutes.

#Smoked #Mussels #Spinach, #Garlic #Bacon #Recipe — Smoked Mussels with Spinach, Bacon and Garlic. A closer view..

Romey returned to the kitchen to add crumbled bits of Smoked Bacon into the Italian Dressing Mix, then he folded it into the strained Green Beans, along with the chopped Carrots and Bell Peppers. The Bowl was covered and returned to Microwave to cook on High for 2 additional minutes.

Ding! Ding! Dinner time. After plating the Steaks, the Boyfriend placed the Green Beans in cute Heart Shaped Souffle Cups, and sprinkled them with bits of Bacon. He served it with Garlic Heart Toast and Julliette ate it up! Literally.

Romey had planned to enjoy the Chocolates next to the fireplace after Dinner. But Juliette had other plans in mind… The next day, Juliette wowed her family by texting pictures of the Valentine’s Day feast from her iPhone. Somehow, the photos were leaked to the Tabloids. Soon, the world learned the true story of Romey and Juliette. Instead of receiving “hate mail” from Romey’s fans, Juliette was surprised to read so many letters saying “Congratulations!”, “You go Girl!” and “Wow! He must really Love You to do all thatI” Most of them also requested, if she could find a way to steal the Recipes… She almost died!

LINKS

Smoking Food on almost any Grill- https://bbqrescues.com/2015/09/12/bbq-rescues-smoking-food-on-charcoal-grills-ceramic-eggs-or-gas-grills/

Smoking Mussels and Oysters- https://californiagoldbbqrubrecipes.com/2014/08/20/smoked-mussels-and-oysters-for-parties-or-a-light-dinner/

Grilled Vegetables Recipe- https://bbqrescues.com/2015/09/17/bbq-rescues-smoking-grilled-vegetables-recipe/

Smoking Steak Recipe- https://bbqrescues.com/2015/10/01/bbq-rescues-smoking-grilled-steak-recipe/

Video/ Grilling the Perfect Steak- https://bbqrescues.com/2015/09/23/bbq-rescues-tv-with-chef-mick-brown-grilling-the-perfect-steak-youtube/

courtesy of http://www.TasteeBQ.com

Note- For National Chocolate Day- Oct. 28, this is a short story from The Adventures of TasteeBQ. It explains the time honored process of making Chocolate by the Bribri Tribe in Talamanca Costa Rica. Bonus video has Guide showing some technique used by Shaman. Also, Home Recipes for Cafe Mocha. Enjoy.

#CacaoHouseCostaRica — Cacao House on Bribri reservation in Costa Rica

Making the World a Better Place to Eat can sometimes lead to the wildest adventures. Our superhero TasteeBQ was summoned to the jungles of Costa Rica on behest of a tribe known as the Bribri. The exact purpose wasn’t quite clear. Over the phone they said they needed him for something that sounded like “Walk a day”, “Work it Baby!” or “Work away.”

#CacaoCostaRica — Ripening Cacao fruit growing on Tree

Always ready to “Work it Out”, our hero flew to an area known as Puerto Viejo (or “Old Door” in Spanish). It is located on the Caribbean Coast of Southern Costa Rica. Upon arrival, TasteeBQ was greeted by a large family holding basket after basket of what looked like ripened mangos. He thought “How generous. They must greet all visitors with a bounty of fresh fruit.”

#cacaotreeCostaRica — Ripening Cacao fruit growing on Tree

TasteeBQ helped them load his gifts into sturdy burlap bags. It was a little strange that he was saddled down with nearly all of them. He felt it must be part of the “Welcoming Ceremony.” The family rode horseback as our hero marched along, displaying his gifts to all onlookers for nearly a mile. Finally, they arrived at a vast fortress. It was so nice of the Bribri to provide such elaborate guest quarters. The place was already endowed with countless more bags of fruit offerings.

#CostaRica — The crowd cheers on our Hero during his great journey through town.

Next, the tribe guided him to another part of the structure, which featured a group of tables. “This must be the guests’ private Dining Room”: he thought. But instead of eating, the hosts seemed to be showing TasteeBQ how to prepare the fruit at home. He quickly learned how to split the globes in half and remove a core of seeds that resembled a cob of corn. They were delighted by how our hero could do it with lighting speed. So they had him do it over and over again until large vats were filled to the core with cobs. He must have been quite a sight because various tribe members would come watch him at different intervals. They would smile and nod for him to show it again.

#cacaofruit — The Cacao seeds form a “cob” at the center of the fruit. [At Cacao House]

Then they performed what seemed to be the “Ceremony of the Dead”. The brood relocated to a somber, pungent room where the cobs had sadly been left out for too long. Rather than trashing them, the Bribri performed a ceremonial mediation where they would sing while grinding the dark kernels in a magic bowl until they turned into a fine dust. TasteeBQ entertained his hosts with a rendition of “La Vida Loca” while making quick work of the seeds. Hopefully this would cheer them up, he thought.

At about this time our hero was hit by a series of unsettling thoughts. What was their real motive for including him in these precious ceremonies? Were they intending to groom him as the new leader of the Bribri Tribe of Costa Rica? How could he explain that his mission to save the world from the evil BoreNG’Food requires travel? And why was the family trying to force him to ingest some the this mixture from the ground dead seeds? Was it some sort of trick???

BONUS VIDEO- Guide shows how Chocolate is used by Shaman

The matron mixed the dark powder with what looked like natural raw sugar, then added it to a steaming hot cup of what they called Tarrazu. She insisted that the guest of honor take sip of the dark liquid. Then it hit him. That aroma— it was unmistakable. TasteeBQ was being treated to the best cup of Cafe Mocha, ever. As he sipped, they explained how for centuries the tribe has used Cocoa as medicine. Mixed with Cinnamon, it used as a sanitizer. Mixed with Nutmeg, it promotes good health. With Ginger it is supposed to help you recuperate from whatever ails you.

As some of the group moved to the kitchen to prepare black beans and rice, others went outside to fire the grill. Spying a supply of fresh caught fish, our hero was inspired to prepare Spice Rubbed Grilled Snapper for everyone. [Recipe coming soon].

#FishCostaRica — Droves of locals bring fish to big cookout.

The dinner turned into quite the feast. It was as if grilling the fish sent up smoke signals to nearby families of the Bribri tribe. They came in droves and the fish seemed to multiply. Fresh fruit was served for dessert, which they sprinkled with some to the spice and sugar mixtures. TasteeBQ played with the spices so the tribe was able to sample even more varieties of coffee:

Make Your Own Mocha Mix- Cafe Mocha Recipes

Add these to taste, to hot cup or pot of Costa Rican or Tarrazu Coffee:

CAFE MOCHA MIX- 2 to 3 parts Raw or Brown Sugar/ to 1 Part powdered Cocoa
CINNAMON CAFE MOCHA- Add a pinch of ground Cinnamon
MINT CAFE MOCHA- Add a drop of Peppermint Extract
CAFE MOCHA LATTE- Add hot Milk or Cream
CAFE COCONUT MOCHA LATTE- Add hot Coconut Milk and a pinch of ground Nutmeg
CAFE “QUE PASA ANOCHE?”- Add a splash of your favorite Caribbean Rum

#medicinalcocoa — Bribri tribal Medicines with Cocoa, Cinnamon, Ginger and more.

TasteeBQ was relieved that he didn’t have to convert the Cacao fortress into a guesthouse. Instead, he slept the traditional way- in a 10’ x 10’ hut with a family of 5. He was also relieved to hear the Bribri tell him “Walk Away” the next day. Were they fans of Kelly Clarkson? But then the tribe started chanting something about “Colones”, while gestering towards his posterior. Always happy to help, our hero retrieved his wallet and made a nice donation- before soaring off to his next adventure. Rumor says it involves a magical BBQ Rub enriched with Cocoa, Cinnamon and Ginger… Stay tuned for more of The Adventures of TasteeBQ…